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Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith

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Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith

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BILTMORE OSWALD

THE DIARY OF A HAPLESS RECRUIT

BY

J. THORNE SMITH, JR. U.S.N.R.F.

WITH 31 ILLUSTRATIONS IN BLACK AND WHITE

BY

RICHARD DORGAN (" Dick Dorgan ") U.S.N.R.F.

[Illustration]

NEW YORK

FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY

PUBLISHERS

Copyright, 1918, by

Frederick A. Stokes Company All Rights Reserved

Reprinted from THE BROADSIDE A JOURNAL FOR THE NAVAL RESERVE FORCE

DEDICATION

To my buddies, an unscrupulous, clamorous crew of pirates, as loyal and generous a lot as ever returned a borrowed dress jumper with dirty tapes; to numerous jimmy legs and P.O.'s Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith whose cantankerous tempers have furnished me with much material for this book; and also to a dog, an admirable dog whom I choose to call Mr. Fogerty, with Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith apologies to this dog if in these pages his slave has unwittingly maligned his character or in any way cast suspicion Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith upon his moral integrity.

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

"Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith Biltmore Oswald" Frontispiece

"'Do you Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith enlist for foreign service?' he snapped. 'Sure,' I replied, 'it will all be foreign to me'" 2

"The departure was moist" Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith 3

"Hospital apprentice treated me to a Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith shot of Pelham 'hop'" 4

"I feel like a masquerade" 5

"This, I thought, was adding insult to injury" 6

"Mother kept screaming through the wire about my Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith underwear" 7

"A bill from a restaurant for $18.00 worth of past luncheons" 8

"He missed the dirty whites, but I will never be the same" 9

"Fire drill" 10

"This is designed to give us physical poise" 11

"Liberty Party" 14

"Of course I played the game no more" 20

"She was greatly delighted with the Y.M.C.A." Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith 21

"I wasn't so very wrong just the slight difference between port and present arms" 24

"The first thing he did was to mix poor dear grandfather a drink" 25

"I was tempted to shoot the cartridge out just to make it lighter" 28

"One fourth of the entire Pelham field artillery passed over my body" 29

"The procedure, of course, did not go unnoticed" 32

"This war Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith is going to put a lot of Chinamen out of business" 44

"I stood side ways, thus decreasing the possible area of danger" 45

"I'm a God fearing sailor man who is doing the best he can to keep clean" 48

"I took him around and introduced him to the rest of the dogs and several of the better sort of goats" 49

"I resumed my slumber, but not with much comfort" 52

"I lost completely something in the neighborhood of 10,000 men" 53

"Fogerty came bearing down on me in a cloud of dust" 58

"For the most part, however, he sat quietly on my lap and sniffed" 59

"I carried all the flour to day that was raised last year in the southern section of the State of Montana" 76

"'Oh,' said Tony, 'I thought this was a restaurant'" 77

"'I would still remain in a dense fog,' I gasped in a low voice" 82

"'Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith Buddy' I came in and 'Buddy' I go out" 83

BILTMORE OSWALD

The Diary of A Hapless Recruit

Feb. 23d. "And Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith what," asked the enlisting officer, regarding me as if I had insulted him, his family and his live stock, "leads you to believe that you are remotely qualified to join the Navy?"

At this Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith I almost dropped my cane, which in the stress of my patriotic preoccupation I had forgotten to leave home.

"Nothing," I replied, making a hasty calculation of my numerous useless accomplishments, "nothing at all, Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith sir, that is, nothing to speak of. Of course I've passed a couple of seasons at Bar Harbor perhaps Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith that "

"Bar Harbor!" exploded the officer. "Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith Bar! bah! bah dammit," he broke off, "I'm bleating."

"Yes, sir," said Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith I with becoming humility. His hostility increased.

"Do you enlist for foreign service?" he snapped.

"Sure," I replied. "It Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith will all be foreign to me."

The long line of expectant recruits began to close in upon us until a thirsty, ingratiating semi circle was formed around the Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith officer's desk... Continue reading book >>

Biltmore Oswald The Diary of a Hapless Recruit by Thorne Smith

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